嵐色的天空

Kato Shigeaki, the honor student who thought that everything was going with the right order, was tested for the first time in his life. Back then there was nothing but anxiety.
I think that for me it was a smooth sailing right until the debut. I entered the agency on the 6th year of elementary school, I did many different things, I passed the entrance exam for high school. I got to take a break from work to study for my exam, the day after the resultscame out I contacted the boss and with short notice he told me that I got a part in "Sannen B-gumi Kinpachi Sensei". In my Junior years I was active with the group K.K.Kitty where there was also Koyama, I was pretty busy and then the debut with NEWS was decided, all with increasing rhythm. I could stand in the front stage, in just 5 years I debuted, looking back to the past I was just very lucky (laughs).
But you know, I could debut even if I had no real merits, I was already training in dancing and singing but I guess I did everything just "somehow". It felt like that, so the training for the debut song was simply fun, until the choreographer told me this: "You think you can debut like that? You're a member that can always be easily thrown away, you're aware of that?". I would never have thought to hear such words, knowing the truth was a shock. I mistakenly thought I was doing good, those words made me realize that I had no special ability. From that day on I kept training after everybody went home, I started doing my best desperately. Back then, I used to cry going home every day. I think that the fear that told me "If you don't work hard you will be an useless member for NEWS" has always been inside my heart.

The first frustration came along the debut in 2003. He remembers the first year as "full of tears".
I debuted when I was 16 with a lot of conflicts inside of me, I was busy with NEWS activities and school, I kept going on anyway. At the debut we had 9 members. Between them I was the one always in the back. Until then I was used for some reasons to stay ahead holding the microphone, but it was completely the opposite in NEWS. Yamashita-kun and Nishikido-kun were extremely popular since the Junior days, the difference between us was such that I would had never even thought to stand in the same arena with them. Anyway, right after the debut the other members got stronger too, I felt I was falling behind to everybody. I knew that "in this way it will be only frustrating" but back then I didn't know what to do.
One day the manager asked us in the dressing room "Somebody wants to participate to a TVshow about volleyball?". It was a job in the early morning so nobody really wanted to do it. I understood it was my chance so I answered "I can go". What do you think it was the reaction? I got a "No, no, it can't be you". The members were there too, I already had the character of the bullied one so everybody thought it was just a joke. In reality those words broke my heart. That moment I couldn't laugh or react at those words, I just looked down.
Work cannot be fine feeling that way, things kept happening with the members too... Once I was saying things without any particular intention but Nishikido-kun felt hurt and really snapped at me saying "Are you making fun of Kanjani8?!". Since we became the supporters of the volleyball team once we were playing all together in the spare time. I remember that I used to get so gloomy just hearing the comment "So irritating~" when I missed catching a ball. I was happy to be in the center of attention, it should have been a proof of love but sometimes I cried even during a show. I saw everybody laugh and I felt like they were telling me "We don't need you", then I started crying naturally. In reality nobody thought such things, in particular Nishikido-kun called me worried to ask if something happened. Yes, I think that Nishikido-kun was the only one who ever asked me that. Koyama too back then was very, very busy with himself, Tegoshi was pretty desperate and frustrated because he entered the agency little earlier and he was trying to catch up with the others. Anyway everybody was working hard on something, nobody had the time to care about the others, I can understand that now (laughs).
Well, even if there was somebody who was worried for me, I had no time for myself as well, I kept piling up all the words I got from the members and the staff, and I really couldn't understand my "importance". "I should give up. Stop being a Johnny's". Such feelings started on the first year since the debut.

NEWS started with 9 members but after 2 years they became 6. What did Kato Shigeaki feel, how did he feel?
While I was struggling searching a way to go on, the withdrawals of the members went on. The members with whom I've always worked were going away, it was another shock. In reality NEWS had to go on hiatus for half a year, the situation was completely changed. First of all I couldn't call myself "NEWS' Kato Shigeaki" anymore. Then, I had to work alone. Once me and Koyama cried in a café because seeing our names without the word "NEWS" besides made us think that maybe NEWS were going to disappear. Of course Massu cried too. I remember some people at university making fun of NEWS. Usually I never get angry but only that time I was so mad that I was about to go and punch them. I thought "They have no idea of what's going on to us, how can they talk like that?" and I couldn't forgive them...
Anyway, I was saved by people who became our allies and the ones who supported us. The senpais were worried and called us, somebody cheered me joking saying "It can't be you (to give up)".

During the interview Kato stopped his words once. Strung by the memories of the past, trying to not cry and to cool down his feelings, he took a deep breath and then started to talk again. The next step brings a change in Kato's heart.
After all, we couldn't see any activity after the members went away, it was a very bad situation. But that situation made me realize that I couldn't give up. I still thought I wanted to do it but I understood that was not the case, I started to think about many things. Thinking to a break-up simulation, I had to reflect about what I wanted to do in the future. Instead of an answer I got a new feeling. I understood that I like to act.
Probably it was also because back then I was working in the drama "Busu no hitomi ni koishiteru", I realized that acting was really fun. Honestly I was often scolded by the director, my school friends told me "I'm sure I can act better that you". Anyway I found something I really liked, I realized that "I cannot quit this job". I wasn't doing it for anybody, I worked hard only for myself. It was an important time. Nothing was solved with NEWS but I had a new will to work, I felt refreshed.

Besides NEWS the solo activities grew, those days he was finally feeling satisfied and enjoying the job.
In the Winter of 2005 I began my public blog "Wagahai Shige de aru", another thing I enjoyed doing. It wasn't only about NEWS, I was searching something I could do on my own and I asked to the responsible of Jwebs that I'd have liked to have a little serial too. I wasn't that good in Japanese so I wasn't really good at writing. At first I even thought that writing was pretty annoying, then the staff began telling me I was funny, Koyama too told me "You wrote about me. Things are more interesting when you write them (laughs)", I was very happy. So I started writing a lot, after a while I was writing also for magazines. I guess that blog was the origins of my writing (laughs). After that, I got the drama "Papa to musume no nanokakan" and in 2008 the butai "Konnan yattemimashita", it was a great encounter for me. It was a solo butai, I learnt a lot from it. It wasn't only to make people laugh, I felt the fulfillment of making them laugh with an entertainment completely produced by me. Talking of fulfillment, it was the same for the drama "Troubleman". My encounter with director SABU-san was an important thing, it was funnier than anything else. Before that I never checked my own dramas, instead I properly watched this one, trying to figure out my flaws. They were little things but it was a harvest, they made me grow up. Looking back, in "Troubleman" I was always running, it was my first drama but I had a very uncool character, it was a good experience.

In comparison Kato had the image of the honor student before that. Wonder if he didn't make resistance against showing an uncool side of himself though.
When we were doing the TVshow "Soukon" I was pretty afraid to be bullied again (laughs). Anyway, showing those lame sides of myself I could build up a new different character image, I thought I could use it in my next work too. I was doing my best desperately in something I'm not good at, I was happy that everybody watching that thought it was funny and good.
There was one thing I decided and kept inside my heart since the beginning, that is "To do the things I want to do I have to do the things I don't want!". The things I don't want to do are the things I'm not good at, the ones that trouble me. I have the same motto still now.

Lives are a place where you can show your appeal. But unexpectedly that was a place that brought many worries to him.
Thinking about it now, I'm very sorry for my egocentricity, but after all lives back then weren't a place that I enjoyed at 100%. During the MCs everybody rejected me. It was like they knew that doing so I would have done something in reaction. That's why even if I tried so hard at talking, immediately somebody else changed topic, Koyama always interrupted me to go on talking. It was very chaotic like that (laughs). All members had a free spirit, it couldn't be helped, I guess. I think that in the end, since I assumed the bullied character I didn't really know how to deal with the others.
By the way, even though back then I had many drama roles in which I was the handsome, cool guy, in NEWS I was the bullied, sloppy one. The gap was way too big, I didn't know how to solve that difference and I was constantly worrying in secret. I've never been frank to the members about that. I kept suffering inside of myself, the priority was to have a smooth live. Instead of trying to show out through my dancing or singing, I tried only to match with the others.
I could wipe out that distress from me thanks to Koyashige's numbers. We produced all by ourselves, we could pile up things we wanted to do. Actually I secretly think that I'd like to give life to that activity again in the future (laughs). After all, I really like to produce things. Nishikido-kun had similar tastes to mine, he always agreed on my opinions, it made me very happy. When I gave ideas for the lives he was like "That's good, isn't it!", we both love music so we used to talk so much~ But mysteriously back then we didn't have much chances to talk about the group or our music all together. Koyama already said this in his interview last month, back then we almost never talked to each other about our worries or what kind of music we wanted to do. Maybe the ones with a strongest interest for music as Massu or Tegoshi were stressed by this. We really had no idea of what the others were thinking. Sometimes I wish I could change that, but back then I wasn't aware of the best thing to do.

In 2012 he debuted as novelist. "Pink&Gray" was written to overcome a bad moment but...
While I was worried about the direction that the group was taking, I watched by chance "A-Studio" where Ninomiya-kun was a guest. I heard him saying "I thought to quit the job before. But looking at the other Arashi's members I decided to do my best and I went to take an audition", it really impressed me. So even Ninomiya-kun thought something like that. I realized that I had to do something for the group, to go on with NEWS. I went to the agency to ask for work. After many conversations it came out the idea of writing a novel. I told them that I've always wanted to write a novel and they simply replied "Ok then, write it". I was really blessed. I got the chance and I began writing the book in secret. I stayed at home writing and writing... I kept writing believing that I was doing that for myself and for the group, no matter how hard it was. In the end, my feelings didn't reach, a little before the announcement of the novel we lost members (laughs). Anyway, luckily "Pink&Gray" had a big impact, the people around us were happy of it too, I was so glad. On the other side though, the group was dangling in the air. We lived everyday in anxiety not knowing what would happen to NEWS.

The withdrawal was announced, NEWS left in 4 having to go on by themselves. The honest feelings never spoken before.
After we knew that those 2 were leaving, I had a second simulation of NEWS breakup. Koyama and I had a conversation like "Probably Massu and Tegoshi will go on as Tegomass but we can still go on as NEWS in two". You know, Koyama and I had nothing else besides NEWS! We were always waiting the day we could go back to music activities with NEWS, waiting to meet the other members, a breakup looked simply impossible to us. We talked about our future with many people, when it was decided to let NEWS go on I was so happy I could cry.
Honestly, I still can't think that Yamashita-kun and Nishikido-kun did the best thing going away. Of course I know that they are working hard, I respect them both. But a withdrawal like that is a great shock for those who stay. I still remember the backs of them two going away for the last time. I don't want to forget the feelings I felt that time. Because keeping them inside my heart, they can become power and I feel I will be able to improve myself even more. I won't cry anymore, I don't want to lose to anybody else.

So, a new passion born inside of Kato. At last we heard about his ideal future for NEWS.
Getting the chance of having lives with new NEWS gave me so many feelings. The moment I stood on the stage the first thing I thought was "What is this scenery! What is happening!", like I couldn't still believe it. I mean, we gave so many problems, we made them wait for so much time, but fans were there. Moreover they were all supporting us, it was an amazing thing. The first comeback live at Chichibunomiya was so much fun! I must be thankful to all the people who allowed me to feel like that, it made me realize that I must convey at any cost the things I want to say. I'm a contrarian, I'm not good at being honest, but thinking things by myself and express only a little part of them is no good. I need to expose the 120%, even if I show some parts of myself that aren't very like me. It's exposing all of that that I can be the real Kato Shigeaki. At Chichibunomiya I was so overwhelmed by feelings that I hugged all the members, I had to honestly accept that it was a side of me too (laughs).
Looking back to my history, these 10 years I've always been thinking only to myself. I wasn't really cherishing the fans, the staff, the people I encountered or the members. Maybe now it's too late, but from now on I want to keep close all these feelings of thankfulness, in order to be able to express my feelings to the ones who support me, in order to be happy, I want to do my best at each and every work I get. Singing, dancing, acting, writing books, no matter what I do, I want people to think that behind them all there's always the real Kato Shigeaki.
Aren't I hasty? If I can go with my own pace NEWS and Kato Shigeaki will be able to be always smiley from now on. Right now I have this faith, I'm living important days (laughs).